A boy named Jimmy lived in the city
of Los Angeles and was an average person who lived in an apartment building in
the middle of the city. He was the smartest in his class and was detained for a
full college scholarship. There was one girl in Jimmy’s grade, named Julie, who
he had a crush on; he was so nice and chivalrous to her. Jimmy lived with his
step mother and his father but he was away for one to two months at a time because
of his job. His mother was not the nicest of person; she makes Jimmy do all the
chores while she sits around the house doing nothing. When Jimmy’s father
returns home, he does not believe Jimmy at all, the step mother just acts so innocent.
One day, in
the winter, Jimmy went for a walk in the city of Los Angeles when an earthquake
began. Jimmy was scared as he was running back to his apartment. The ground in
front of him began to split and he fell into the gorge. The next thing Jimmy
knew, he woke up in the middle of a forest with pine trees lightly covered in
snow, and a blanket of freshly white snow around him on the ground. He walked
through the trees for an hour and ended up at a castle emerging from the fallen
snow. He walked into the castle and walked around discovering there were thirty
rooms of every kind. As Jimmy walked through the castle, the king showed up and
said in an angry and loud voice, “What are you doing here, for trespassing on
my land I will put a spell of obedience on you.” Jimmy could not help himself now;
he had to do anything that anybody told him.
The king heard footsteps echoing from down the hall and fled. From down the hall a girl appeared and it looked like Julie, Jimmy’s crush. The two instantly recognized each other, and Julie invited him to the ball that night; because of the spell recently bestowed upon Jimmy he had no chose but to accept her invitation. As Jimmy retired to his bedroom, that was set up for him in the castle, he said quietly to himself, “how am I going to get through this ball tonight.” As he was saying, a floating ball of light appeared from nowhere and turned into a fairy god mother. With a wave of her magic wand he became dressed like a prince. As the ball progressed and Jimmy was acting weird in Julie’s eyes because he had to do anything he heard anyone ask. As the king walked by he said, “Kill her.” Jimmy grabbed a knife and began to raise it in Julie’s direction. As Jimmy was about to kill her, he overcame the spell and dropped the knife. Jimmy told that the king put a spell on him, and he was band from the kingdom and was stripped of his kinghood. The next thing Jimmy knew he woke up in his room back in Los Angeles, with nothing more than a bump on his head, making the entire thing a dream.
Good story, work on your dialogue a bit.
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